Travels With My Son

Grief can feel like an unbearably heavy topic to talk about, let alone to think about – even though sadly we often don’t have a choice in the matter. But alongside the darkness and pain that comes with deep loss, my experiences have shown that it’s somehow still possible to find and create moments of light and joy, taking bittersweet comfort in remembering as we grieve deeply for the people we have loved and lost – or even the lives we once thought we would lead. 

So as I travel through life with grief as my constant companion, I am often seeking and finding ways to remember and honour my loved ones who aren’t here with me – especially my son. From the earliest days of shock and disbelief, through to the months and years beyond, as the sharp edges of grief softens, and our lives begin to grow around it – there are so many different ways we can remember.

But I have also realised that this is not a time for expectation or obligation. We should not feel guilt for how we do or don’t remember and honour the ones we have lost, there is no requirement to weigh ourselves down with traditions or rituals that may end up making us feel anxious, rather than simply connected to our people. 

So I feel great peace when I find gentle ways to include them in both the everyday and special occasions, creating opportunities to feel small connections here and there, or to make sure they are included in the significant moments of life in ways that feel natural and celebratory. 

I believe I have managed to keep sight of the light in the most painful darkness of my losses in part by finding gentle ways of remembering, whilst holding on to one unarguable fact: No matter what I do, they will always be with me in my memories.