Grief affects so many people every day, but can be difficult to acknowledge and talk about, especially in the workplace. Particularly in the UK we seem to struggle to talk about death and grief, and this can lead to the bereaved feeling isolated, like they’re overreacting (you aren’t) and like they’re ‘doing it wrong’ (you also aren’t). But perhaps we could all try to better understand grief and its many nuances so that we can best support our bereaved friends, family, colleagues and employees, as well as become more aware of what support we may find helpful if we find ourselves in the trenches of grief.
There are a few ways we can all make it a bit easier to effectively talk with, listen to and generally support people affected by grief. Most importantly, we need to acknowledge that grief fundamentally changes people, and so we should not expect life to ever go ‘back to normal’. We should also never put timescales on grief. This could help us understand that support and empathy may be needed at any time. Then, we can educate ourselves, for example by listening to podcasts or reading about different ways to support and talk to people who are grieving. It’s especially helpful to understand the perspectives of people who have themselves gone through loss, and the fact that they will differ.
Professionally, I encourage everybody to talk to their HR manager about workplace bereavement and grief training. This can focus on all types of bereavement, for example the loss of parents, siblings, partners, friends and other loved ones – even pets, or even grief that isn’t related to death. But I strongly feel all training should specifically address pregnancy, baby and infant loss, as well as fertility.
The below organisations offer workplace bereavement training with a focus on pregnancy, baby and infant loss plus in some cases fertility, and there are many more options for broader training too. I would love to know if your organisation implements training and how they support their employees who are grieving (you can contact me here if you would like to share).
I have also discovered from personal experience just how important bereavement training is in medical settings like hospitals, as I truly believe that the deeply compassionate and sensitive care we received from our bereavement midwife and her bereavement trained team was absolutely instrumental to helping us bring our son Stewie into the world with so much positivity, even when we already knew he would be stillborn. For this reason I decided that I wanted to use our story and my voice to help support the training of other midwives and medical professionals, in the hope that other families will benefit from the same outstanding care that we received. I am honoured to be working with our bereavement midwife to make sure our experience can hopefully make a difference to other families as well.
Whilst grief cannot be compared, when it comes to the loss of our children the lifelong impact and pain reaches new unseen depths, and it’s something that so many people feel they just can’t talk about. Considering the surprising statistics – that an estimated 1 in 4 pregnancies end in loss, and in the UK 1 in 250 pregnancies end in stillbirth (it’s 1 in 160 in the US), the taboos that still exist around these conversations simply need to be broken down. So I hope that by opening ourselves up to these difficult conversations guided by training and education, bereaved parents, and in fact anybody who is grieving, will hopefully feel as supported as possible as their family, friends, employers and colleagues will feel more confident to talk to them.
Aching Arms supports parents who have experienced the heartbreak of losing their baby, during pregnancy, at birth or soon after, and have been instrumental in supporting us – you can read about our experience here. As well as supporting families directly, Aching Arms provides training to workplaces to help support employees and colleagues through loss. You can find information about their different training packages here.
Child Bereavement UK helps families to rebuild their lives when faced with the immense challenges of bereavement. As well as providing free bereavement support through counselling, a helpline and support groups, the organisation also provides training to professionals in health and social care, education, and the voluntary and corporate sectors, as well as more general Bereavement in the Workplace training. You can find out more about their training here and download a free guide about Bereavement in the Workplace here.
Lenny’s Legacy bolsters bereaved parents’ support networks by providing training and online resources on numerous topics relating to loss, based on the premise that the people best placed to support bereaved parents are those who are already in their lives and know them well. Lenny’s Legacy also offers evidence and experience based training for healthcare professionals, lawyers, employers and other people who come into contact with bereaved parents in a professional capacity. You can find out more about their resources and training here.
Miscarriage Association’s training and consultancy programme equips managers with the skills they need to best support a staff member through the distress of pregnancy loss in the workplace. Options include bespoke workshops, open online workshops, bespoke learning sessions and pregnancy loss policy / guidance consultation. You can find out more here. Additionally, Miscarriage Association offers a free e-learning resource for healthcare professionals caring for women experiencing pregnancy loss which can be accessed here.
SANDS is the leading stillbirth and neonatal death charity in the UK. It exists to reduce the number of babies dying and to ensure that anyone affected by the death of a baby receives the best possible care and support for as long as they need it. SANDS is the driver behind Baby Loss Awareness Week, a national campaign to raise the profile of baby loss and encourage anyone bereaved by it to reach out for support. SANDS also offers Bereavement in the Workplace training which you can find out about here, as well as training for anyone working directly with bereaved parents and their families, which you can find out about here.
The Worst Girl Gang Ever aims to empower businesses to effectively and authentically support their teams through baby loss and become fertility-friendly employers of choice. TWGGE works with companies to develop a people first approach to supporting their employees through loss, through both policies and guidance, and also creating a safe space to open the conversation about baby loss in the workplace. You can find out about their services and education webinars here.
Tommy’s offers a Pregnancy and Parenting at Work training package to help workplaces understand and be empowered to meet employees’ needs through pregnancy journeys, from planning and parenting to miscarriage, stillbirth, premature birth and other complications. Resources available include e-training, toolkits, and support to develop pregnancy and baby loss policies. You can find out more here.
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Travels With My Son 